Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize