so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Boobs speak an international language.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All the doctor said was why
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
