Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
