Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
