Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
