I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
