Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
