Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize