Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
