Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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