I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
