fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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