that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize