I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
