Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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