Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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