I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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