I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize