My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i've created a new STD.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
