I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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