So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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