I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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