oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
