If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
