im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
