oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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