I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
