Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
