the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
