I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
