It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
