i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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