Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
