he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't deserve a penis
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
