I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
