I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
