he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
