i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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