I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
