Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
