My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize