and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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