I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
