Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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