just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
