I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
