Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
