I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
