Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
