bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would fuck him just for his dog
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
