I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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