After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm like, not good at living.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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