I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
