remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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