I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
