I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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