Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
