just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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