I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
