btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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