God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
