1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
