my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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