i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
