Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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