ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
