Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
