you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Less talking, more tequila
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
