going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
