my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Quick, to the slutcave!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
