the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize