All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
