So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
