True but thats because hes a fetus.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
