I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize