By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
