I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
