there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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