Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
