it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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