you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
