Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
