It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
