I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
