Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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