there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
