Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
