Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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